This Transition Is Easier When We Talk About It
The messy middle no one warned us about
There’s a moment I see pretty often when working with women
Sleep has become a mystery.
Some days there’s this internal rage that feels totally out of character.
Her belly has a new softness she doesn’t recognize. And that doesn’t reflect all of the hard work she puts into eating well and exercising.
She’s more anxious than she used to be. And some days she just feels a little flat. Not depressed. Just a bit apathetic.
And when I say, “yes this totally makes sense,” there’s this visible shift.
Not because I gave her all the answers. But because I didn’t hand her more self-blame. Because more often than not, she’s been told “it’s just stress” “welcome to getting older” or some other equally unhelpful response.
For a long time, I think many of us assumed perimenopause would announce itself clearly.
Hot flashes.
Skipped periods.
Something obvious.
Or maybe we didn’t, because nobody ever actually told us what to expect.
There was the maturation program we attended in 5th grade. . . and then basically no mention of hormones ever again.
Instead what usually happens is this:
You’re still functioning.
Managing work and kids and aging parents and workouts and protein and everything else.
But something just feels a bit . . . off.
Subtle enough that sometimes you wonder if you’re imagining it.
Which might be the hardest part. This questioning of our own experience.
Brené Brown talks about “FFTs” — f---ing first times. The PG version is “terrible first times.”
Basically the things that no one hands you a map for. And you’re just stuck in the messy middle, trying to figure it out in real time.
And perimenopause is full of them.
The thing about first times is that they’re awkward. And uncomfortable. And often a bit humbling.
But they’re a whole lot easier when someone else says, “Yeah. That’s been going on for me too.”
Over the past few weeks I’ve been deep in the process of building The Perimenopause Blueprint, it’s a simple program designed to help women understand what’s actually happening in their bodies during this stage and how to support themselves through it.
When I first mentioned the course, I planned to open enrollment on March 24.
But as I started building the slide decks and recording the lessons, it became clear to me that rushing to hit that date wouldn’t serve anyone well. So I’m giving myself a little more time to finish recording and make sure the program is as helpful as possible.
Enrollment will open later this spring, and the waitlist will still receive first access and founding-member pricing when it does.
If you’d like to join that list, you can do that here:
Join the waitlist
But the thing I want most, more than any of the things we’ll talk about in the course is for women to realize: This is a real thing. And I’m not alone in it.
That realization doesn’t take away the 3am wake-ups.
But it does help remove some of the self-criticism. Because we could all use a little less of that, right?
Because when someone else looks at us and says,
“Same.”
It’s easier to stop blaming our bodies, and start listening to them instead. And perhaps most importantly, this transition becomes something you can understand — not something you silently carry.
xx
Ashley
P.S. If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to know: what symptom has felt the most confusing or frustrating lately?